Yes, you heard it right. A whole
two quid could be yours if you sweep to victory in one of the highly competitive classes to be judged at this year's
Chertsey Show,
weekend of 8 - 9 August at Chertsey Meads, Mead Lane, Chertsey.
The plan is to get an Otter entry in every class (other than Lifestock and Standing Corn, unless some of you have been hiding your animal husbandry under a bushel of wheat, so to speak. All smock-wearing tractor drivers step forward now, or forever hold your potato riddler).
There are two ways to do this. Some Otters will have a natural advantage in classes like horticulture and brewing, and will already have carefully-prepared ales and courgettes stroked and pampered to a frightening level of tumescence. Or something. Anyway, these should be entered as a matter of course, so please add your proposed entry as a comment on this blogpost, or email, text or Facebook it. (Entry fees are a whopping 50p per item.)
We're proposing that the remaining classes should be entered by process of
random draw, to be held at
1pm on Sunday 12 July 1pm on Sunday 19 July at the Crown. If you would like to partake in this latest Otter endeavour, come along for the draw, or otherwise let me know you'd like to have a crack at it. (As an extra twist, we thought that the 'creative classes' should all incorporate an otter motif in some way.)
The sections are as follows. I've also included a representative snapshot of the classes in each section:
BAKING - Victoria sponge; fruit cake; apple pie; shortbread; scones (cheese/fruit); tea loaf; ; iced cake; cottage loaf; cornish pasty, scotch eggs.
GENERAL FOOD- food from around the world; misc; dessert.
JAM & PRESERVE - soft fruit; stoned fruit; jelly; marmalade; lemon curd; chutney; misc.
CHILDREN CULINARY - whole baked toddler (honestly, I'm surprised anyone's read this far). Mostly decorated/undecorated cakes and biscuits.
BEER, LIQUEUR & WINE - homebrew beer, homebrew red (sweet/dry), rose and white (sweet, medium, dry); misc liqueur; best in show.
VEGETABLES - carrots; beetroot; onions; potatoes; runner beans; shallots; tomatoes; leeks; parsnips, etc, etc, etc. Plus a whole bunch of novelty categories like heaviest pumpkin, biggest marrow, vegetable most reminiscent of something rude, etc.
FLORAL COMPETITION - Heaps of goddam flowers I've never heard of. There's a new carnivorous plants section that sounds cool. We've just bought a Venus Flytrap.
CHILDREN'S HORTICULTURE - vegetable monster; six weeds in a jam jar; garden farmyard; miniature rockery; best skunk grown under hydroponics, etc, etc.
NOVELTY DOG CLASSES - child handler (not sure what they mean by this); best mongrel; best veteran; prettiest bitch/handsomest dog; best titbit catcher; best condition, waggiest tail, etc.
FLORAL ART - Theme: shopping spree. There are 10 sections, themed from Newsagents to Greengrocer to Sex Shop. OK, I was kidding about the last one...
CRAFT : CHILDREN'S - make a scarecrow from recycling; self portrait; model of favorite animal/bird
CRAFT : ADULT - dressmaking; stitched picture; greeting card; knitted item; handmade jewelry; cushion; soft toy.
PHOTOGRAPHY - snowscene from this year's snow; black and white portrait; insect photo; triptych of themed photos.
PAINTING - country scene (oil/acrylic or watercolour); portrait (oil/acrylic); miscellaneous.
DRAWING - portrait; pastel drawing; misc.
MISCELLANEOUS CRAFT - Anything not covered by the above. This is very exciting. An otter bringing down a lion with a ray gun, rendered in taxidermy perhaps? The possibilities are endless.
Autumn nears and the scent of harvest is in the air. Mellow fruitfulness hangs heavy over the land as summer enjoys its last hurrahs. But before we all pack up the lawn chairs and baton down the hatches for the grim onslaught of winter, there's glory to be had, and it's Otter-shaped.
