Upcoming Otter events for 2011

OK, so you'll see a strong focus on things that are related to me raising some money for the Royal National Lifeboat Institution, my charity of choice for the London Marathon this April, but there's a reason for that. Namely that I need to raise some money for the RNLI. We're saving lives here people. Serious business.

Anyway, it's my professed intent not to just ask people for cash. I want to try and raise the whole freaking lot through events that are fun for y'all to be a part of. It's like charity giving by osmosis, with the permeable membrane between you and the Lifeboats consisting entirely of drinks and fun.

So, the events. First up:

9 March - Charity Art Auction


UPDATE: Online gallery of the art - taking advance bids now! [LINK]

I'm hosting a charity art auction on Friday 9 March downstairs at Bar 163, Chertsey. Viewing from 7pm, auction from 9pm. All comers welcome, especially if they want to hit themselves up with some smashing art.

All the pieces in the auction have been donated by a smorgasbord of local and international artistic talent, with something to suit every taste. 'Eclectic' simply doesn't capture the sheer eclicticism of this collection. And ALL proceeds - no cuts for the auctioneer or the venue - will go towards buying shiny new lifeboats and saving lives at sea.

If you'd like to donate a piece to the auction, contact me here: chertseyotter@googlemail.com. The theme is ' I give you my word' - a piece of art based on your favourite word, phrase, quote or saying - and the medium is entirely up to you. I'm no bloody use at art and I've done something, so there's your benchmark. Go forth and create, good people.

With thanks to event sponsor The Brilliant English Company (hence the theme!).


23 March - The World's Most Awesome Pub Quiz EVER
Upstairs at the Crown in Chertsey on the evening of Friday 23 March. Yes, it's a pub quiz, but it's not just any old pub quiz. It's the most AWESOME pub quiz EVER. Why? You'll need to book a table to find out. Which also buys me a bit of time to back up such an outrageous claim with buckets of AWESOMENESS.

We have space for 15 teams of six. It costs £3 per person to enter, with a maximum team size of six, and there will be PRIZES, including shiny things, spoil-yourself things and drinky things. You have to come. It's going to be AWESOME.

To book a table, contact me direct or on email at: chertseyotter@googlemail.com. Big thanks to Tony, the Big Man at the Crown, for lending us the room and donating a rather spiffing prize into the bargain. Cheers!

I will be working the floor like this, but posh.




19 May (TBC) - The 2012 Chertsey Beer Challenge
More details to follow, but we've had to shift it from its usual St George's Day slot to allow for the fact that I'm running the London Marathon that weekend. For the RNLI. Saving lives at sea. Hint hint. Hopefully the weather will be smashing and it will give you an opportunity to brew up some of the good stuff for the Diamond Jubilee street party a fortnight hence. You know you want to.


The Chertsey Otters RFC 2013 calendar

Yes, we're definitely doing one and already have sponsors for January to July - Roberts the Butcher, The Crown, Bar 163, The Brilliant English Company, Hair by Mario, Heavey Builders and Big Gay Al's Special Page All to Himself. If you'd like to take a page in the calendar, it's very reasonably priced at £50 (o.n.o.) and it's going to be shot by an award winning Swedish photojournalist, so not tacky either. I should point out that this isn't a nude calendar. Most people would rather pay the Otters to keep their clothes on.

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If, given all that, you can't be arsed, I'm still very happy to take a donation. My Just Giving page is here, and it needs some love:  Just Giving - Richard Cable is fundraising for the RNLI

Full disclosure: money raised for Japan disaster relief at the 2011 beer challenge

Last year, you good people of Chertsey donated £146 to Japanese disaster relief at the annual Chertsey Beer Challenge. I paid this into JEN, the disaster relief charity recommended to us by our Japanese friend who is working for the UN High Commission for Refugees and is involved in disaster relief in Tohoku. He said JEN were doing by far the best work and that they would spend the money on actually helping people.

Four months after paying the money in here, JEN returned it, saying there was a problem with the payment. I spoke to them and they said the only way to submit cash from overseas is via their website, which, frankly, is crap. I tried again. Four months later, they returned it again. I spoke to them again and resubmitted on assurance that this time there wouldn't be a problem. You'll see a pattern developing here.

The long and the short of it is that I've just sent them the money for the fourth time, plus another £20 as a sort of 'interest accrued'. If I don't have any luck (we should know by June), I'd like to send the money to Shelterbox instead. They work across the world, including Japan, providing shelter and vital supplies to people in acute distress. This is obviously a change to the advertised charity, so if you have an objection, let me know directly or via comments.

Winners and pictures from the 3rd annual Chertsey Beer Challenge!

As the dark, rainy days of summer close in, it's nice to look back on balmy April and remember the good times. A mere two months after the event, I've finally posted the full results and pictures from the day. Thanks again to all Otters and non-Otters for a great event that raised a creditable £146 for Japanese disaster relief.

Prize winners and photos from the 2011 Chertsey Beer Challenge

Any idiot can drink a beer. It takes a legend to make one.

The 2011 Beer Challenge is ON!!!

Every year we do a Beer Challenge, with the final held as near as possible to St George's Day. It's a brewing competition for first-timers and other amateurs and has been getting steadily larger each year. You are hereby cordially invited to take part in the 2011 challenge, which we hope will be the biggest yet.

Brewing beer is stupidly easy. It's virtually impossible to cock it up. You just need some basic kit, a bag of ingredients and away you go. Everyone brews the same recipe, with a little latitude for personalisation.

As ever, the final will be judged in a blind tasting by professional brewer and sainted beer guru Hugo Anderson. The Crown in Chertsey has once again kindly agreed to host, with the final taking place on Saturday 23 April - St George's Day - so we can carry on and get epic afterwards.

This year, for the first time, there are three categories to enter:

- Best Recipe Beer (this is the grand prix - click here for the recipe/instructions)
- Best Vintage Beer (for drinkable beers, made by you, that are over a year old)
- Best Freestyle Beer (this is basically like the fun dog show that takes place next to the serious pedigree stuff)

All you need to enter is to email chertseyotter@googlemail.com and tell me you're entering, then turn up on the day with your beer (click here for rules of entry).


To get a feel for the event, have a butcher's at the photos and results from the 2010 and 2009 finals. For the full site, with everything on it, click here: The Chertsey St George's Beer Challenge 2011.

Come on. You know you want to.

Any idiot can drink a beer. It takes a legend to make one.

Pick your own Chertsey hops!

We've just discovered (through the twin agency of Hugo the Brewer and Sean the Roof) that the hedgerows of Chertsey are literally heaving with hops. How massively cool would it be to brew your own Chertsey beer for the Chertsey St George's Beer Festival with native, hand-picked Chertsey hops? I know. Unspeakably.

So we're organising a posse for mid-September to go out and scrump a fair tonnage, with Hugo as our tracker and guide. We're currently targeting the weekend of 17-19 September for optimum 'hop on' time, although we apparently need a dry day so that may be subject to some variability.

All those in favour say 'aye'!

Any idiot can drink a beer. It takes a legend to make one. 


Chertsey St George's Beer Challenge Blog [LINK]

Results just in: Otters clean up yet again at the Chertsey Show!

Well done all on another awe-inspiring Otter performance at the Chertsey Show. There can be no truer exemplar of the Otter motto 'Just turn up and win' than this year's showing, which was hastily cobbled together at the eleventh hour but yielded more rosettes and little brown envelopes stuffed with cash than a closely fought by-election in an East End marginal.

Apologies for taking so long to post the results, but once again real life intervened and I found myself having to do stuff like make a living, run a(nother) rugby club, wrestle a bear, defeat the dark legions of the resurgent Sith Lords, etc. You know, the usual.

Results

Ann of the Lists - Apple pie (6" to 8") - sixth
Sean the Roof - Loaf of bread most closely resembling a doorstop - first

Sean the Roof - Homebrewed beer - third

Max the Power - Chutney - fourth
One-take Lumsden - Sculpture - not as good as the Dead-eyed Otter from last year
Craig and Molly Christ - Shortbread - first

Gen Christ - Picture of something in the garden - first

Janosch Unmenkable - Victoria sponge - unclassified
Franka Unmenkable - Cookies - fourth
Alan Shearer (Greenwood) - Mis-shapen fruit or vegetable most closely resembling his old fellah - first
Dibs Greenwood - Photo portrait in black and white - third
Nicole di Dutchy - Handmade soft toy - first
Dark Side Lucy - Chutney - first

Tom and Josh Tractor - Favourite meal on a plate - first; Plant grown from seed - second

Unusual Steves of the World - Homebrew beer - second
Fat Lad a.k.a. Richard - Fruit cake - third

Jaego, Jessame and Richard (with unhelpful comments by Janosch) - Scarecrow - first

Jessame - Self-portrait - first; Picture of something in the garden - highly commended; Young gardener - commended

Jaego - Model or collage of a bird - first; Picture of something in the garden - third; Young gardener - highly commended

Jaego and Jessame - Decorated cakes - highly commended

Jaego and Jessame - Vegetable monsters - highly commended

Lyne and Longcross School - Unusual planter - first

The Chertsey Show - just turn up and win!

OK, so that's pretty much what we're going to have to do, given that I've left it until today to actually publish the draw and the show is this Saturday and Sunday, 14 and 15 August. Apologies all, but real life intervened and I was called upon to save the Earth.

Or something.

Anyhoo, all entries must be registered by this Thursday 12 August (details below) but you don't have to take your entries down until crack of sparrows on Saturday morning. That's loads of time, and don't go pretending you wouldn't have left it until this week to do anything even if I had published the draw a month ago like I said I was going to.

In actual fact, I've done a redraw to ensure all categories are for things that are achievable in the time available. Where necessary, I've finessed to play to strengths I know you already have. The draw is in the order of Children, Dogs then Adults. Drum roll and golden envelope please...

CHILDREN

Junior Otters may enter as many of the following categories as they like, given that they're on holiday from school and loafing around with plenty of time to kill.

Craft

• 2C Scarecrow made of recycling (max 2ft high, hanging or freestanding)
• 3C Draw or paint a picture of yourself
• 4C Make a model of your favourite animal
• 8C Take a photo of your best friend
• 9C Fun family portrait (photo)

Domestic

• 31D Victoria sponge (170g fat, 170g sugar, Flour, 3 eggs, red jam and vanilla essence)
• 32D 4 shaped and decorated biscuits
• 35D 6 decorated small cakes
• 34D 6 jam tarts

Horticulture

• 001V Any fruit and veg you have grown yourself
• 001S Tallest sunflower in a 1 litre pot (grown from seed)
• 140H A vegetable monster
• 141H A garden or farmyard in a shallow box (max 42cm x 30cm)

DOGS

We eschew the high falutin' talcum powder and silly haircut world of the professional dog show. No otter dog is a professional in disciplines other than cadging, working their way onto the sofa and rolling in fox shit. The fun dog show categories can be entered on the day, so please bring your fun dog.


ADULTS


Ann of the Lists - Domestic 04D Apple pie (6" to 8")
Uli von Lederhosen von Klinkerhoffen von Kleinsteuber - Craft 22C Planes, trains or automobiles - a photo of any form of transport, the more original the better
Sean the House Stealer - Domestic 25D Small jar of chutney
Max the House Stealer's Wife - Domestic 10D Cottage loaf of bread
Anna the Photographer - Craft 28C Portrait drawing, any medium
Craig Christ - Domestic 12D Two Cornish pasties
One-take Lumsden - Craft 15C Item of handmade jewellery
Ninja Can - Craft 25C Anything to do with the countryside (watercolour)
Phil the Pelican - Domestic 23D jar of marmalade
Janosch Our Second Favourite German - Domestic 01D Victoria sponge (170g fat, 170g sugar, Flour, 3 eggs, red jam and vanilla essence)
Franka Our Joint Second Favourite German - Domestic 02D 4 Cookies
Alan Shearer (Greenwood) - Horticulture 68V Mis-shapen fruit or vegetable
Dibs Greenwood - Craft 21C Photo portrait in black and white, adult, child or animal
Nicole di Dutchy - Craft 18C A handmade soft toy
Pat the Tractor - Craft 16C Article made of wood, acrylic or metal
Dark Side Lucy - Craft 23C 3 photographs with a common connected theme

Big Gay Al - Craft 16C Article made of wood, acrylic or metal
Kate the Eclipse - Domestic 15D Any dessert
Unusual Steves of the World -
Kayteochan - Domestic 14D Any exhibit of savoury cookery
Fat Lad - Domestic 03D Fruit cake 175mm, round tin

Anyone with beer left over from the Chertsey St George's Beer Challenge should enter in class Domestic 47D one bottle of homemade beer. Bottle must be labelled, size approx 50mm x 19mm. One label just below shoulder to show main ingredients. Second lable 25mm from bottom of bottle to show class and exhibitor's number.

Or if you don't like the suggestion you've been given, go to the Chertsey Show website: http://www.chertseyshow.co.uk/ and click on 'View Schedule' in the banner across the top. The schedule also has full rules of entry. Similarly, if I've forgotten you, please let me know what you've chosen to do so I can add you to the list above and we can all come along and cheer you when you take the top gong.

ENTRY

Craft
Contact the secretary, Miss Lucy Watkinson, 2 The Avenue, New Haw, Addlestone, Surrey, KT15 3RL
Tele: 01932 342894 email : fandangofreda@btinternet.com. Entry fee: adults 50p per class, children 30p per class. All entry forms or telephone entries must be received by Thursday 12 August. No non-registered entries accepted on Saturday morning. Please bring your entries on Friday 13 August between 2pm and 7pm, or Saturday morning before 9am.

Domestic
Contact the secretary, Susan Murray, 32 Collingwood Avenue, Tolworth, Surbiton, Surrey. KT5 9PU. Tel: 020 8337 7309 email: chertsey@murraysonline.co.uk. Entry fee classes 1D - 27D and 41D - 48D 50p per class. Classes 31D - 36D 30p per class. Entry forms to be submitted by 9pm on Thursday 12 August 2010. No unregistered entries accepted on Saturday. Please do not put your name on your exhibit, only your exhibitor’s number which can be obtained from the Secretary. All beer exhibits are to be staged on Friday 13 August between 2pm and 7pm or Saturday 14 August between 8.30am and 9.15am. All Culinary Art and Children’s exhibits are to be staged on Saturday 14 Aug between 8.15 and 10am. Jam and preserve classes may be staged on Friday 13 Aug between 2pm and 7pm.

Horticultural
Contact the Secretary, Helen Dixon,  13 Hythefield Avenue, Egham, TW20 8DD. Tel: 01784 453997 or 453997 email: eghamzoo@talktalk.net. Entry fee: adult 50p per class, children 30p per class. Entries in to Secretary by 10 pm Thursday 12 August - post, email or telephone. No unregistered entries taken on the day. All entries are to be staged by 9am on the Saturday 14 August.